It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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