the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
