Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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