watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
