There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
