My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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