I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i've created a new STD.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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