Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
