You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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