i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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