sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
