Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
