I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
