My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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