BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
