i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
