Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
