well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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