Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
