Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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