Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
