ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
