did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
