i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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