I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
