The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
