I wish I could teleport
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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