The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
