Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
