There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
