i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
