I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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