Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
