Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
