I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
