if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
