ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
