so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
