he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
