she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
