You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry about my life...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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