Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
