Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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