Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
