he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
