I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
