hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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