There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
