Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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