haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Acid is not a monday night drug
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
