We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
